Best for:
Individuals who practice the art of setting healthy boundaries, setting boundaries regarding your reflection, readers seeking a sign to prioritize their peace, those souls navigating the friction between their internal truth and external societal views placed on them, and those advocates looking to understand the psychological weight of the “social mirror.”
The Vault:
- The Social Mirror: Understanding that our self-image is often built from the reflections of the way others perceive us.
- The Right to Exit: Recognizing that “agreeing to disagree” on someone’s identity is often a precursor to a necessary silence.
- Identity Sovereignty: The power of defining oneself regardless of external “delusion” narratives.
The Weight of a Gaze:
In sociology, the “Looking Glass Self” suggests that we perceive ourselves through the eyes of others. But what happens when that mirror is cracked? When the person looking at us insists on seeing a version of us that doesn’t exist? it creates a psychological dissonance that is exhausting and potentially dangerous to maintain.
We are often told that we cannot “force” others to respect our gender identity or pronouns. This is very true, and I’ve never denied that.
Though, the other side of this argument is equally powerful: no one is forced to remain in a relationship (intimate, familiar, or platonic). This is especially true of relationships where the simple things being asked are dismissed or treated as a debate, or worse delusional.
Whether it’s a matter of gender identity or something else, walking away isn’t an overreaction; this was just another act of self-preservation.
If the image you hold of me is a distortion, I am under no obligation to stand in front of your mirror.
The Poem
An original poetic micro-prose by:
Axton N. O. Mitchell
“The Looking Glass Self”
The way we see someone
can shape the way they see themselves.
When the image we hold
doesn’t reflect who they truly are
or want to be,
it’s understandable
if they choose to walk away.
It is but this simple.
Poet’s Note:
This piece was born from the exhaustion of being told that my existence is a delusional belief, that others refuse to be forced to play-along-with. There is a common argument used against the trans and gender nonconforming individuals.
I dare you to try existing in a world that treats your core self as a debate topic. We still see this everywhere, though.
When we witness a neurodivergent person explaining their needs to be told that they are just “making excuses.” A woman in a high-level position who is treated like a secretary or as if she slept her way there based on a male coworker’s bias. Think of adults with differences in abilities that are stripped of their agency by people who refuse to see their competence.
If you view my identity, or anyone’s lived experience as a debate or a delusion, then there is no foundation for a relationship.
I’m not interested in debating with anyone about whether or not I exist, if my needs are real, or anything else involving my truth.
If you don’t respect who I am as a person, I don’t have to speak to you.
Period.
This isn’t an ultimatum; it’s a consequence of your own nearsightedness and self-righteousness.
The reality is more straightforward; Respect is the baseline for connection. If you view someone’s experiences as a delusion, your connection is already severed.
I don’t care to change your mind, and I certainly won’t spend my time trying to convince you of my right to be.
We don’t owe anyone our presence while they actively participate in our erasure.
The “Looking Glass Self” only has power if we choose to keep looking into the mirrors people hold up for us. If that mirror is warped, you have the right to shatter it.
True respect isn’t a favor someone does for you; it’s the bottom tier thing someone needs to do if they wish to remain in your world.
If they can’t do the bare minimum, you shouldn’t settle anyway.
TL;DR:
- Perception is Power: Others’ views can influence us, but they don’t have to define us.
- Universal Erasure: Identity denial happens to many from the neurodivergent to the disabled. The response is the same: cutting the tie.
- Boundaries are Absolute: You do not owe a soul access to your presence while they actively participate in your erasure.
- The Right to Silence: If respect isn’t present, communication is optional. Choose silence over self-betrayal.
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