Tag: trans experience

  • Creative, Moral, and Queer Influences in my Life

    Creative, Moral, and Queer Influences in my Life

    Who are the biggest influences in your life?

    Influence isn’t just who inspires you when things are going well.

    It’s who shaped your voice, your spine, your boundaries, and your refusal to shrink.

    Some influences teach you how to speak.

    Some teach you how to survive.

    Some teach you exactly what paths you will never follow.

    This is a living map.

    Creative Influences, Where the Art Found Me First

    Before I ever understood craft or branding or audience, I understood feeling.

    These artists didn’t just make music. They made permission.

    Hobo Johnson, Poetry Wearing a Hoodie

    Hobo Johnson’s work feels like overhearing someone tell the truth in a grocery store aisle.

    His lyrics read like spoken word wrapped in everyday chaos, anxiety, longing, humor, and self awareness.

    He takes ordinary moments and pulls the emotional thread until it hums.

    That taught me something crucial, you don’t need spectacle to be powerful.

    You need honesty and timing.

    That influence shows up in my work when I write about small moments that carry heavy weight, the quiet details that hit harder than a scream.

    NF, Naming the Darkness Without Letting It Win

    NF’s influence is about how to talk about pain.

    He never glamorizes struggle, he dissects it.

    Mental health isn’t aesthetic in his music, it’s work, confrontation, accountability, growth.

    He shows that vulnerability and strength can occupy the same body.

    That mattered to me.

    Especially in spaces where pain is often exploited instead of processed.

    Snailmate, Experimentation as Survival

    Snailmate taught me that you don’t have to choose between chaos and intention.

    Their sound is loud, fast, sharp, playful, and deeply self aware.

    Genre lines collapse. Identity is fluid. Lyrics cut and dance at the same time.

    That influence lives in my refusal to make my work palatable for comfort.

    Art is allowed to be strange.

    It’s allowed to be fun.

    It’s allowed to be unclassifiable.

    Mayday Parade, Raw Emotion Without Apology

    Mayday Parade doesn’t flinch from emotional exposure. Mayday parade is an emotion.

    Heartbreak, longing, grief, regret, hope, all of it laid bare without irony.

    That sincerity taught me that earnestness isn’t weakness.

    Sometimes the bravest thing is to say, this hurt me, and I’m still here.

    Moral Integrity, Learned Early and Reinforced Daily

    Some of the deepest influences aren’t artists.

    They’re examples.

    My Mom, Teaching Me Who Deserves Respect

    My mom taught me integrity by living it.

    She didn’t make speeches. She modeled it.

    She worked in the IDD community and brought me with her.

    I learned early that difference is not deficiency.

    She had a lesbian best friend when that still made people uncomfortable in the early 70s and through her entire life.

    She defended people others dismissed.

    She showed up for the underdog because someone always needs to.

    That shaped how I see people, how I refuse hierarchy based on identity, and why I don’t negotiate on dignity.

    The Elders Who Helped Me Become Myself

    When I came out, it wasn’t a clean or singular moment.

    It was a series of brave, terrifying steps.

    Queer elders stepped in where systems didn’t.

    They helped me cut my hair when I was shedding an old version of myself and stepping into my next identity: Lesbianism.

    They helped me rebuild a wardrobe that felt like home in my skin masculine clothes and hair way back then. When I didn’t understand I could become a man, and I thought that was the only option. So I made it fit.

    The next group of elders taught me about binders, safety, autonomy, and peer groups.

    They connected me to doctors, surgeons, information, and access when I moved to Vegas and after.

    They didn’t just help me transition.

    They helped me survive transition.

    They showed me what chosen family looks like when it’s rooted in care. They taught me that the people from before who didn’t accept me now never were really my friends.


    Comment and share what influenced your creativity, your morals, or who not to be?

    Do you have influences elsewhere in your life you’d like to mention? Those are fine too. We appreciate your input and conversation.

    The Influences I Learned From by Rejection

    Not all influence pulls you forward.

    Some pushes you away from becoming something you refuse to be.

    My Father, Absence as a Lesson

    My dad had enough to give more and chose not to.

    That absence was instructive.

    Not in bitterness, but in clarity.

    It taught me that providing isn’t just financial.

    It’s presence, responsibility, and showing up when it’s inconvenient.

    I learned what abandonment looks like.

    And I learned that I will never replicate it.

    Political Power That Chooses Harm

    Watching the Republican political party in power push policies that strip rights from immigrants, migrants, people of color, disabled people, LGBTQ people, and start wars for wages. Then they ignore or enabling actual predators which is not abstract.

    It’s personal.

    It’s dangerous.

    That contradiction taught me vigilance.

    It taught me to question authority, to read policy, to listen to who is harmed and who is protected.

    It shaped my refusal to separate politics from lived reality.

    Because people live inside laws.

    Influence doesn’t end with what shaped us.

    It continues with what we pass on.

    I carry poetry, music, elders, integrity, and hard lessons into my work because someone else might need that map.

    Someone else might be standing where I once stood, looking for permission, language, or a way through.

    We don’t get to choose all our influences.

    But we do choose what we become because of them.

    If this piece made you think of:

    A queer kid who needs proof they won’t be alone, An artist struggling to trust their voice, Someone unpacking family, faith, or politics with honesty, or Anyone learning how to build themselves from what they were given.

    Share this with them to remind them they’re allowed to exist fully, loudly, and with intention.

    Where you will find real people, unfiltered language, and rough-edged art. Submit to the next Poeaxtry Prism quarterly by form or email Poeaxtryspoetryprism@gmail.com


    Poeaxtry’s links

  • The Layers of Me: Girlhood, Survival, and Becoming a Man

    The Layers of Me: Girlhood, Survival, and Becoming a Man


    “Never the Enemy”

    by Axton N. O. Mitchell

    Raised

    I was raised a girl. That’s how the world saw me. That’s what I was told to be. A little girl with crooked pigtails m, buck teeth, and scraped-up knees. She didn’t like being touched. She didn’t like being stared at. She never liked how the world made her feel.

    Taught

    She was taught to smile. Not because of happiness, it was just safer. She learned to laugh off the gross comments much before she could read chapter books. She learned how to keep a boy from following her home. How to hold keys and lighters in her balled up fist.I know that just existing in a body the world called “girl” comes with a constant background noise of threat.

    Assaulted

    I was assaulted, as a little girl, as a teen, and as a man. A few years after passing the awkward transition phases; I was  years on hormones. A woman I was dating at the time liked to get me drunk enough to forget. Not that I want to but, it’s worth mentioning I never  remembered one single time. She told me it was easier that way. Then the used up it’s me not you. 

    Myth

    There’s this myth that once you transition, it all goes away. As if you can flip a switch, cut your hair, change your name, and suddenly be safe. As if I am suddenly respected. Erasing my trauma from living as a girl as if it doesn’t  stick to me. My second skin. Even after the world starts seeing you differently, it doesn’t mean it treats you right. If you  don’t “pass” all the time. Especially when you live in small-town maga country .

    Now, I get called “sir” until certain people get told, because no they can’t tell. The people that claim they “are my friends” say “she” behind my back as soon as they get mad at me. However, the flip side is worse for me. Now these people assume I’m one of them. Racist comments. Sexist jokes. Homophobia. Trans baby conspiracies.Assuming I’m a good ol’ boy. I was never meant to become the enemy. When I out myself they stop treating like the man I am. The privilege stops when I defend someone. I won’t close my mouth to save my neck. 

    Remember

    Remember not all men started the same. Some of us became men on purpose. With intention. With pain. With joy, too. But it wasn’t simple. And it wasn’t fast.

    In my late teens and early twenty’s, I thought I was a lesbian. I wasn’t pretending. I wasn’t confused. That label made sense for a while. I liked girls. I never felt like one, I tried to. I didn’t have the words to explain, but I was a man.  Not a phase, I just hadn’t fully found the truth. I have lesbian memories. I have lesbian trauma. I have lesbian experiences. That doesn’t go away just because I’m a man. Identity isn’t always a clean line. I’m a transgender man, and I lived as a lesbian. I survived as a girl. I became someone else and stayed alive.

    Yearn

     I yearn to be read. I want my work to move people who’ve never been seen. People that never had a place at the table. I’m not wasting time trying to win over systems that ignore us. I’m going to carve us something new. Each project I curate is rooted in the belief that all minority stories deserve to be told in our own voices.

     I want people to remember and know that minorities don’t just die. We live. We laugh. We have favorite songs. We have poetry in our blood and grief in our bones.

    I write because I won’t be erased. I write because I’m still here. I want to make sure no one else feels like they have to disappear just to be seen.


    Support the work that feeds, steadies, and teaches! Consider a donation via CashApp, PayPal, Ko-Fi, or Buy Me a Coffee. Thuis will keep the projects and community alive.


    Links Poetizer discord
    Poem


  • “Top Surgery” A Poem on Transmasc Healing, Binding, and Becoming

    “Top Surgery” A Poem on Transmasc Healing, Binding, and Becoming

    Through three layers

    of nylon pressing

    down on ribs and chest.

    This is the first breath of Top Surgery, one of the rawest poems I’ve written in a while.

    I’ve been on testosterone for ten years now. I’m eight years post-op. But when I wrote this, I was right back in that skin. I was sweating through binders in summer heat, ribs bruised, spine curved, trying to breathe under the weight of nylon and hope.

    This piece isn’t just about a surgical moment. It’s about the years I spent binding, the secret shame I carried, and the quiet determination it took to claim my body as mine. It’s about the chest that was never wrong, just never mine.

    It’s also about the way survival stories sit under the skin, even long after you think you’ve healed.

    When people talk about top surgery, it’s often framed as a “before and after.” But there’s a whole damn novel in the middle. The years of pressing down, of hiding, of reshaping yourself just to be seen.

    Thank you for reading. And if you’ve been there too, in a binder, in the waiting room, in the body that didn’t match the mirror… I see you.


    Inclusive pride flag, flowers, and a quote from my poem top surgery
  • If I Had to Change My Name Again — A Trans Man Reflects on Identity

    If I Had to Change My Name Again — A Trans Man Reflects on Identity


    If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?

    I already changed my name, legally, spiritually, emotionally. I changed it with a trembling hand and a voice steadier than it had ever been before. The boy who lived beneath years of being called the wrong name he is why I changed my name. I changed it for the person I became, and the one I’m still becoming. Changing it was never just about paperwork. It was the exhalation after holding my breath for two decades and two-years. It was stepping into my own skin without apology.

    So the idea of changing it again… it hits different. There’s resistance there. I chose this name. Axton, like a sword off the wall, like a stone I’d polished myself. It fits the weight of me. It sharpens my edges. Axton belongs to me in a way nothing ever did before.

    But if I had to change it? If some strange force or alternate life demanded a new label for my soul. Maybe something natural and weightless, like Lief, a name that drifts like wind through leaves, soft but certain. The type of name whispered in the dark and meant to be remembered. Names with strength wrapped in stillness, with calm in their bones. Names that grow quietly, like roots reaching deep beneath the surface.

    Or maybe I’d lean into the names I already carry in my middle spaces. Names no one sees unless I let them. That’s the funny thing about being trans, we become archivists of all the names we’ve worn. Some we buried. Some we still wear close to the skin, even if we don’t speak them aloud.

    There’s no name that would ever feel exactly like the one I already chose. Axton is stitched into my story. It’s the signature I sign under every poem. Every spell. The endless love letter to this life I’ve clawed my way into carry the signature.

    So sure, I technically it is possible to find another. But it would never be the same home.


    links portfolio hiking

  • Becoming Axton: A Journey from Arielle to Authentic Self

    Becoming Axton: A Journey from Arielle to Authentic Self


    I used to flinch at the sound of that name.

    Arielle.
    Not just because it wasn’t mine anymore. The name carried a lot. That name was a suit of skin I never chose, sewn with expectations I never fit into. People loved her, or thought they did. She was sweet, she was obedient, she was the smile in photos that made everyone else comfortable. But she was also quiet because she had to be. She hid everything—grief, anger, queerness, gender—deep enough that even she forgot how much was buried.

    That name.

    Arielle was the name in my dad’s voice when he needed someone to blame. The name on cards from my mom when she didn’t know how to see me. It was the name teachers praised. Pastors prayed over it. Strangers misgendered it. Sisters protected the name even when I didn’t know how to protect myself. It was all sharp edges and a mask I wore so long it felt like skin.

    I’m not her. I never was.

    Still, I won’t pretend she didn’t exist. Arielle got me here. She survived what I shouldn’t have had to. She wrote poems in secret, carved hope into notebook margins, and stayed alive when everything said not to. She was the ghost I outgrew, the beginning of me.

    There were days Arielle felt like a shadow dragging behind me. I was always a step out of reach, but never gone. I wrestled with her silence. Struggled with the parts of myself I was afraid to look at. Then hid the truth behind a name that wasn’t mine. But with every poem I wrote, every truth I told, I felt her loosen her grip. Not because I abandoned her, but because I learned to carry her differently.

    Axton writes to walk her home.

    Now, when I write, I don’t write to erase her. I write to hold her hand and walk her home.

    This is why I write. Not for closure, but connection.

    Not to silence Arielle, but to let her rest.

    And in her place, I stand. Alive. Whole. Still writing.

    Every word is a step forward. Every poem, reclaiming. Every breath, a nod to the person I was always underneath it all.


    links Beta/ Arc Readers & St Teams A Poem