Tag: mother and son bond

  • The Scent of Honeysuckle: How a Summer Smell Carries My Childhood

    The Scent of Honeysuckle: How a Summer Smell Carries My Childhood

    Emotional hiking journal: What hidden smell on this trail makes your chest tighten or expand?

    The Scent of Honeysuckle: How a Summer Smell Carries My Childhood

    There are certain scents that time refuses to let fade. For me, honeysuckle is one of them. One inhale, and I’m no longer standing where I am. Now, I’m transported back to warm West Virginia afternoons when the air was heavy with sweetness, and life was simple enough to fit inside a summer day.

    and the Pools That Raised Me

    Every time I catch that scent, I’m back at the Oglebay Park pool, chlorine in the air and sunlight bouncing off the water. I can almost hear the echo of kids laughing, the splash of cannonballs, and my mom calling from the side to remind me to reapply sunscreen.

    Then I’m at Grand Vue Park in Moundsville. In yet another summer memory stitched together with the same smell. My hair slicked back with pool water, my skin sticky from popsicles, and my heart full of the kind of joy only childhood knows. Those pools weren’t just places to swim; they were where my mom and I found our rhythm. She’d sit in the shade, content just watching, while honeysuckle crept along the fence line and filled the air with something that even then felt sacred.

    The Ballfield and the Blizzard

    Sometimes that same scent meets me at a softball field in my mind. The crack of the bat, the dirt on my cleats, the sting in my arms from connecting just right. I can still feel the weightless moment after hitting a grand slam. There’s my mom’s cheer cutting through the noise, louder than the crowd itself.

    After the game, we’d stop for a cookie dough Blizzard at Dairy Queen with the whole team. I’d be sweaty, dirt-streaked, and proud. She would smile like the world was ours for that one small window of time. That’s what honeysuckle smells like to me… victory, summer, and love.

    The Scent of My Mother’s Hands

    Fresh-cut grass does it too. My mom always took care of everything: mowing the yard, planting flowers, washing the car by hand. She smelled like grass, soil, soap, and sometimes honeysuckle all at once. It was the scent of someone who built comfort out of effort, who held entire summers together with her bare hands.

    Even now, when that smell drifts through a window or lingers on a trail, I pause. I breathe it in like a prayer. Because somewhere in that sweetness, in that green freshness of grass and bloom, she still exists. Not gone… just layered into the air.

    Why Smell Is the Strongest Memory

    Science backs it, sure… the olfactory bulb is tied to emotion and memory. But for me, it’s simpler. Honeysuckle is a time machine. A gentle reminder that some parts of us never grow up, never move on, never stop reaching for the hand that kept us steady.

    It’s more than nostalgia… it’s grounding. It’s a way of saying, I remember. I’m still here. And so is she.

    What smell does this for you on a trail? In a bakery? Anywhere?

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  • Overcoming Fear Through Transition and Loss: A Trans Man’s Tribute to His Mother

    Overcoming Fear Through Transition and Loss: A Trans Man’s Tribute to His Mother


    What fears have you overcome and how?

    I’ve overcome fears that don’t scream loud but echo. Quiet ones. The kind that pull up a chair and settle into your bones.

    I feared that becoming me would cost me everyone, and for a while, it did. I feared my voice would never drop far enough for the world to let me be. Feared mirrors, waiting rooms and ID checks. I feared that no matter how hard I tried, I’d still be some ghost caught between versions.

    But I transitioned anyway. I started long before most people understood. Seven years before she died, I was already halfway home to myself.

    And my mom… she didn’t just accept me. She showed up. She took care of me after surgery. Made sure I had soft blankets and real food. Talked to nurses when I couldn’t. Sat by my side with her steady warmth when the world felt too heavy to hold. She loved me as her son, not after time, not with hesitation, but with her whole heart.

    I thought that meant I’d have more time. That she’d be around to see the rest of me grow into the man she already believed in.

    But life doesn’t ask for timing. It just takes. Losing her wasn’t a dramatic moment. It was slow, then sudden, and then everything was different. The fear that followed wasn’t about being trans anymore. It was about being here without her. How do you keep going when the person who provided unconditional love is no longer here? How do you continue when those words are no longer spoken?

    That’s the fear I never knew how to name, learning to live without her.

    But somehow, I kept going. I carried her voice in the wind. In old voicemails. In the way, I still make tea like she did. I kept writing. Kept healing. I didn’t stop transitioning. I just started becoming someone who was able to grieve and grow.

    So what fears have I overcome?

    Plenty still reside in my ribs. I’ve stared down identity loss, transphobia, surgery scars. Then the bottomless grief of losing the one person who held it all together. I’ve found home in my reflection. I’ve become a man she’d still recognize, and be proud of.

    And I learned that love can outlive the body.

    That becoming isn’t something you do until someone dies.

    It’s something you keep doing, because they loved you enough to help you start.

    I’m still here.

    Trans. Grieving. Growing.

    Unafraid to begin again.