The Second Coming Out
National Coming Out Day isn’t just about one announcement. It’s about every version of ourselves we’ve had to reintroduce to the world and to ourselves.
This is Part 2 of my coming out story. The first time, I came out as a lesbian. This time, I came out as me.
The Second Time Someone Saw It Before I Did
I was 19 when I met an out trans man for the first time. It was at a wedding, and he came up to me like he already knew something I didn’t.
He said, “Oh my god, it’s so cool to meet someone like us in public.”
I glitched. I remember thinking, What does he mean, “like us”? I didn’t think he was right, but I also couldn’t stop thinking about it. I wasn’t aware he was trans I just saw a cis man and I was so confused.
It was one of those moments that doesn’t make sense until years later.
The Quiet Realization
Fast forward to when I was 21. I was in an online community space surrounded. This man was filming a Q&A video, answering random questions, when it just… hit.
I started asking the influencer questions about t and transitioning etc.
And I thought, Wait a minute. Maybe that guy was trans at the wedding.
I laughed it off at first. Said thing to myself like, “No, bro.” But, Deep down, I knew something had shifted.
That’s when I realized: I wasn’t a lesbian who looked masculine. I was a trans man who had finally found the words for what had always been there.
Transition and Transformation
At the time, I was in a long-term relationship with a lesbian partner. I didn’t say anything right away. I didn’t feel like I had the space to explain myself.
My identity wasn’t up for debate, and it didn’t need validation to be real.
A little while later, I moved to Las Vegas, started testosterone, and began living fully as myself. Two years after that, I got top surgery.
Now, I’ve been on T for almost 11 years, and post-op for nearly 9.
No spectacle. No huge reveal.
I just made a post, changed my name everywhere, and kept living.
Coming out as a trans man wasn’t some cinematic event. It was quiet, steady, necessary.
It was me updating my social media, me existing without apology, me living a truth that had been simmering under the surface since long before I even had the language for it.
Every year on National Coming Out Day, I think back to both moments. To the young girl who came out as a lesbian, and the man who came out as himself.
Both were acts of courage. Both were survival. Both were me.
Coming out isn’t a one-time performance. It’s a lifetime of peeling back layers until you recognize yourself: fully, completely, without shame.
I came out twice.
Once for who I loved.
Once for who I am.
And both times, I chose to live.
Because that’s what coming out really is. It is choosing life, truth, and freedom, again and again.
