Category: Journal Entry

Personal reflections inspired by prompts or life events. This is a digital journal you wander into, unfiltered and uncensored. Honest, trauma-dumping, and deeply personal moments captured in writing.

  • A Birthday Without Her: Remembering My Mom, 7.19.1971–11.8.2021

    A Birthday Without Her: Remembering My Mom, 7.19.1971–11.8.2021

    Today, my mom would’ve turned 54. (As in right now when I type this I’m not sure when I will schedule it to post but)

    She was born on July 19, 1971. She passed away on November 8, 2021. That was just eight days before I turned 30. I didn’t know how to prepare for the amount of grief this has churned up. I still don’t. And now here we are, in 2025, almost four years later. I still wake up on this day with that ache in my chest. It’s not just this day; it’s many of them. It’s a lot of them, if I’m being honest.

    Some years it hits louder than others. This year, it’s the silence that hurts most. The absence. The way I can’t call her. Knowing I can’t tell her anything new. I just spent the week with my sister exploring the towns around Asheville. I know mom would have loved to hear all about our trips. Time keeps moving. Somehow she’s further and further away. Yet, she’s still here with me in all the ways that matter.

    My sisters both turned 21 just a few months after she passed away. I don’t think one of us was really ready. Honestly, is anyone ever really ready. Still, she should’ve seen them grow. She should’ve seen me figure some of this out. She should’ve still been part of the story. My mom should be here!

    I carry her with me everywhere I go. In my writing. In the way I talk to strangers. How fiercely I protect the people I love. I think she’d be proud of what I’m doing now. Proud of how I keep going even when it’s hard. Proud of the things I’m building. I know she’d be proud of the love I still have to give. She’s here with me when I hike. I feel her with me when I write. She’s present when I don’t know what to do. I know she’s with me, here in all other moments. But it isn’t the same, and I’d trade my dad any day. I’ll never stop saying that.

    Today, I’m just letting myself feel it. The love. The grief. The weight. The memory. It’s really stupid I didn’t think about this date before I scheduled my vacation. I would do anything to still be off work!

    Check out my links. Best of Poeaxtry 2025. Buy me a coffee?

    Happy birthday, Momma. I love you. I miss you. I always will nothing will change that. I still remember your smile and the way you smelled. The laugh I used to make fun of, and all the quirky expressions you used to make (now Jade makes).

    Please come see us soon! I hope your doggo baby made it to you. I know you saw we put jewels collar on the bridge in lake Lure.

    My last bday photo with mom
    My birthday 11:16:2020
  • Rest and Rock Hounding Hesitation in Appalachia— Day 6

    Rest and Rock Hounding Hesitation in Appalachia— Day 6

    After an epic week packed with hiking, climbing, swimming in fresh water and the swimming pool at my sisters. We were running all over hell’s half acre, exploring the hills of Appalachia. Today was a day for much-needed rest. I slept all night long and then slept in until after my sister got off work. She worked the 9 AM to 5 PM shift (yuck). I had the place all to myself during that time.

    Even though I planned to go rock hounding, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it alone. It wasn’t that I was confused about which trail to take. I had that mapped out, but, the real problem was what happens after the trail ends. Once I got off the trail, there would be no service for my GPS. I’ve already experienced that all week. The idea of wandering through those hills, and getting lost, was honestly scary. Since at least my sister knew how to get us back towards her house and service to load the map.

    I mean, what if I took a wrong turn in the woods and got kidnapped by feral mountain creatures? Or worse… what if I found myself stuck in some endless loop of forest and couldn’t find my car? If I managed to get to my car, would I remember the way back to the apartment? I know I can’t navigate without GPS? Yeah, my mind goes there.

    I stayed put. I didn’t want to leave my sister’s door unlocked while she was at work. Also, I wasn’t about to wander around the woods with zero signal or company. The spots we saved on the map will still be there next time. Then I won’t be alone and she can come with me.

    Honestly, after a week full of adventure, I was wiped out and needed the rest more than anything. I had to prepare for the long drive home, too, which was still ahead. I woke up when my sister got home from work. She had another shift the next morning, so the house was quiet. I finally left late the next morning after sleeping until about 8 am. It was my own slow, reluctant goodbye to the mountains. The temper tantrum internally because GOD DAMN! I really have to go back to OHIO!

    The best part of adventure is knowing when to pause, rest, and prepare for the next one. So you don’t over do it and have to postpone the next one or more.

    Much love,

    Axton N.O. Mitchell

    My trip home was a little different than announced. You know as usual. If you didn’t notice I post these the day after so I’m technically home right now. And I also didn’t make a day one post for the real day one because I drove the entire night before so we all just hung out,

  • Day 4 Adventures: Pinball, Chalk Art, Bears & Froyo | Appalachian Fun

    Day 4 Adventures: Pinball, Chalk Art, Bears & Froyo | Appalachian Fun


    Day 4 in Hendersonville, North Carolina was a slower, more relaxed day than the earlier ones. Honestly, I slept in much later than expected. The trip had caught up with me, and I was completely wiped out. Sometimes travel exhaustion hits hard, and you just have to honor that. I even slept til 6 pm on day 6, my sister had to go to work. I was planning to go off the grid. But, I don’t have Luna with me. I was afraid to do it alone.

    Once I finally got moving, the day turned into a laid-back exploration of some of Hendersonville’s coolest local spots.

    Jade on the left Axton o  the right in the Hendersonville, North Carolina Appalachian Pinball Museum.
    At the pinball museum

    We started with the Appalachian Pinball Museum, which felt like stepping into a retro time capsule. There’s something so satisfying about the sound of vintage pinball machines clacking and bouncing. This space brought back so many memories and gave the day a nostalgic, playful energy. 13 dollars all day free play $1 sodas how can you beat that.

    Afterward, we wandered the streets, admiring the vibrant chalk art murals and sidewalk drawings scattered throughout town. These little pop-up galleries of color and creativity brought unexpected brightness to ordinary sidewalks. They turned our walk into a visual adventure.

    Painted blue and purple bear statue in Hendersonville, North Carolina

    One of my favorite discoveries were the painted bear statues peppered throughout Hendersonville. Each bear has a unique design and personality. They had some whimsical, others bold and abstract. Seeing them all around town gave the place a quirky feel. It felt welcoming, like the city itself is giving you a friendly nod.

    Frozen yougurt

    To cap off the day, we stopped at Sweet Frog for some delicious frozen yogurt. After the slow start, the frozen yogurt felt like the perfect little reward, sweet and refreshing. It was just what we needed to keep the daylight and fun.

    Videos and Journals:

    I’ve been uploading videos for each day the day after they happen. If you want to see Day 4 in motion, you can check out my TikTok. It includes everything from pinball flips to colorful chalk and painted bears. My Instagram also has these highlights. You can also check my other socials. (@Poeaxtry_). I love sharing those moments because they bring the places to life beyond words.

    The more detailed hiking and adventure journal posts usually come either the morning or night after the day’s adventures. I can take a little time to think. I organize my thoughts. I write from a fresh but still vivid perspective.

    What’s next?

    Day 5 videos already up (this post is late) full of waterfalls, quiet nature, and sunsets. Thanks for tracking along on this trip. Thank you for being part of the journey even from afar. I appreciate you letting me share these small but meaningful moments.

  • Who Is Poeaxtry_? Authentic Personal Brand, Advocacy & Creativity.

    Who Is Poeaxtry_? Authentic Personal Brand, Advocacy & Creativity.

    Interviewing Myself: Who Am I?

    Q: What are you about?

    I stand for empathy, kindness, and radical inclusion. I fight for the right to be different and believe every human deserves equality and respect. My morals are rooted in advocacy and dismantling discrimination in all its ugly forms. I was 7 years old. I first remember my mom explaining to me why I shouldn’t treat her clients differently. & from that moment on, I knew bullying was wrong. That is truly sad when you think about the time some of you learned this.

    Q: What hobbies and interests fuel you?

    Poetry, rock hounding, rock tumbling, spell crafting, hiking, kayaking, camping, fishing, and so much more. I thrive in creative flow and nature’s raw energy. I excel in the heat and dirt; when sweat is covering my hair and shirt.

    Q: Outside writing and creating, what excites you?

    Swim, kayak, hang out with my doggy and the kitties. Witchcraft, reading, and playing video games.

    Q: What are you definitely not about?

    Bullies, especially adult ones. Racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, fascism. You know what, actually, fuck all phobias and ism bullshit and those who embody them. I can’t stand the cold; meaning the air and your tude.

    Q: What adjectives do not describe you?

    Quiet, boring, afraid. Just to name a few.

    Q: What don’t you want people to think about you?

    That I’m someone who tolerates inequality or doesn’t fight for the rights of everyone in humanity. I have always been one to know all humanity is equal and deserving I’d hate someone think the opposite.

    Q: What are your defining characteristics?

    Empathy, kindness, and the ability to include and uplift everyone. My loud ass mouth and my yellow ass attitude.

    Q: What do friends and family say about you?

    They call me hyper, loved, soft, a golden retriever, a good man, poetic, passionate, and an advocate. Someone who they can depend on.

    Q: What are your core values?

    Advocacy for policies that protect human rights, commitment to dismantling discrimination, activism, and honoring the diversity of human experience.

    Q: What causes matter most to you?

    Human rights, abortion access, marriage equality, healthcare justice, and the fight against harmful legislation as a whole. Ending the bullshit minorities are facing from Gaza to Ukraine and back to The USA.

    Q: Are these central to your brand and goals?

    Absolutely. I wouldn’t be me and my brand wouldn’t be by me if it weren’t. Would it?

    Q: What’s unique about you?

    I was a boy with boobies. I have a serious vitamin D deficiency. It makes me take a boatload of supplements. The creator forgot my other D too. So the struggle is real.

    Q: What are your short-term and long-term goals?

    Short-term: Keep creating new solo and collaborative projects, and grow my community.

    Long-term: Build a name and a publishing press that uplifts minorities and pays them fairly for their incredible work.

    Q: What are your strengths?

    I lead with empathy. While I hold space for grief, rage, softness, and transformation. I’m an advocate, especially for those who are silenced, overlooked, or underestimated. My creativity is wide-reaching and adaptable. I’m deeply intuitive. I connect dots most people miss. I build community in a way that makes people feel like they belong. I live my life with resilience, knowing I can be the storm or the calm sky. And more. Always more.

    Q: Is there one thing you do exceptionally well?

    Yeah. I take chaos and turn it into clarity. Whether it’s through a poem, a piece of handmade rock art, or helping someone feel seen. I try to take the raw, messy, painful stuff and turn it into something honest, haunting, and healing. And sometimes even beautiful.

    Q: What impact do you want to make?

    I want to foster real change. I want people to see me. I want them to realize, “Hey, I know someone trans.” There are more of us than you think, even if you don’t see us. Passing doesn’t matter, visibility does. Just because you don’t know every trans person is trans doesn’t make us exist any less.

    Q: Do your personal and business brands overlap?

    Completely. In more ways than one. I couldn’t think of business model names or my future platforms because I just incorporate all of me.

    Q: Why are you building a personal brand?

    To foster change, help others, and bring my authentic self and community together.

    Q: Are you breaking into the creator economy?

    Hell yes. I can only hope.

    Q: Are you building a business, a product, or a space?

    All of it of course. I have a business, products, and a space for connection and growth.

    Q: Are you creating a professional image to secure funding or partnerships?

    I hope so, but mostly to help and uplift others.

    Q: How will you create unique value for your audience?

    A: By blending literature, identity, and honesty into interactive work. My poetry, zines, e-books, and collaboration projects with meaning. I don’t just share; I connect. I create spaces where people feel seen, and remind them that their voice matters. While also giving them a place to share and a platform to publish on.

    links. portfolio. ko-fi. Payhip.

  • HEXON PIRATES™: A Curse for Thieves, A Blessing for the True

    HEXON PIRATES™: A Curse for Thieves, A Blessing for the True

    🧿 HEXON PIRATES™

    and anyone who lies their way into free things without holding up their end.

    This work is protected. Not just by law. Not just by copyright. But by the kind of energy you don’t wanna test.

    If you received any item for review, you agreed to leave a review. If you downloaded it for free, or received it free, you were trusted to honor that gift. If you bought it, you supported a living, breathing creator, and I thank you.

    But if you:

    • Lied to get a free copy and never reviewed it

    • Forwarded it to friends without permission

    • Uploaded it to some free-for-all site

    • Took screenshots or pages and gave them away

    • Tried to “share the love” without sharing the credit

    Then congratulations!!! 🎊 you’ve activated the HEXON PIRATES™ clause.

    You’ve chosen to steal from someone who puts protections into every line. This isn’t just art. This is spellwork. Bloodwork. Boundary.

    You’ve crossed it.

    🕯️ What happens next is not mine to decide. It’s already been decided. 🕯️

    So go ahead. Eat the rich. But don’t come for the little indie poet.

    Not unless you’re ready to feel what gets thrown back.

    Links poem

  • The world took you. And They Took Her From Me Too

    The world took you. And They Took Her From Me Too

    It’s been almost four years since my mom died

    Four years this November as always 8 days before my birthday.

    And Wednesday

    I finally got to see her dog again.

    The last living pet my mom had left.

    The last heartbeat in this world that still carried her by choice and not birth.

    The only one who remembered both of us and my sisters.

    The only one left who still held my mom’s scent, her rhythm, her quiet love. The reason it was so easy to decide to bring mom home. Jewel. She was my sibling too.

    I hadn’t seen her since the day we lost my mom

    Not once. She stole mom’s favorite blanket and my mom’s husband stole my ability to see her basically in unity.

    Because a man that knew the dog 3 years and was married to my mom the same wouldn’t let me come around. As if he loved them all the entire time I did.

    And after he died

    My sister took her thankfully.

    Sadly her pos excuse for a ex boyfriend wouldn’t let me come around

    He was abusing my sister. It’s no secret. The public charges aired that out.

    So everything in her world became locked down, closed off, unreachable by his choice

    I was shut out

    While the last piece of my mom grew older and slower without me

    While I sat in that absence

    Hurting

    Helpless

    Then earlier this week I hear she’s sick, and by Wednesday my sister is putting her down. It felt like the next time I turned around. So I went and saw her, my sister was able to secure the vet the next day to by us time.

    One final time and we know that isn’t ever really enough time to say good bye.

    I gave her a big meal from Wendy’s, nuggets, burgers, and ice cream.

    I told her she was good

    I told her I loved her

    I held her. I told her she got to see mom first and I was jealous. I told her about all the pets before her and family she’d get too great. I couldn’t stop telling her that mom would be there soon.

    I know she knew that we were up to something.

    Then today

    My sister took her to the vet

    She was put to sleep

    And cremated

    And now she’s gone too.

    This is grief that burns

    Grief that screams

    Grief that doesn’t just cry over what happened

    But over everything that didn’t

    Everything I never got to do

    All the years I could have been beside her

    All the comfort we could have shared in missing the same person

    The same lap

    The same voice

    I didn’t just lose her

    I was kept from her

    And then I lost her anyway.

    She didn’t just die

    She was taken from me long before today

    And then taken again.

    I’m so fucking tired of things being stolen from me.

    She was more than a dog

    She was the last piece of my mother I could touch that Isn’t a human.

    The last one who knew the way home used to smell.

    The last little soul who got to grieve my mom with me finally returning to her. But I wasn’t ready.

    Rest easy, sweet girl

    I hope you’re curled up with her again.

    I hope you both know I never stopped loving either of you

    Tell her I’m still here

    Still hurting

    Still trying

    Still loving

    I am little lighter knowing mom has jewel. I know she has been watching and waiting for her jewely whoolie to come home across the rainbow bridge the last of her fur kids,

    Links poem

  • The Fire Still Burns, Stonewall Was a Riot

    The Fire Still Burns, Stonewall Was a Riot


    They Threw Bricks!

    Today marks the anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising.

    Not a party.

    Not a parade.

    Not your corporate-backed, rainbow-branded nonsense.

    A riot.

    A breaking point.

    A sacred rupture in the silence forced on queer people for generations.

    With Nothing Left to Lose

    June 28, 1969

    They fought back.

    Black and brown trans women, drag queens, queers with nothing left to lose.

    They threw bricks because nobody would hand them dignity.

    They lit fires because we were dying quietly.

    They chose noise over erasure.

    Marsha.

    Sylvia.

    Stormé.

    Countless others whose names we never got to learn because this country didn’t think we needed to know them.

    We carry them.

    We carry their chaos, their refusal, their brilliant, protective rage.

    We carry it when we come out.

    We carry it when we take up space.

    We carry it when we live anyway.

    Pride isn’t just a celebration. It’s a warding spell.

    A reclamation.

    A reminder that we never asked to be beaten into silence

    and we will not go back to whispering.

    For me, Pride is survival.

    It’s my middle finger to a world that tried to bury me in shame.

    It’s the bruise that turned into a banner.

    It’s my queerness as spell work, as scream, as soft altar.

    So today, I remember.

    Today, I say thank you.

    And today, I rage, beautifully, queerly, loudly.

    We are not done.

    We are not docile.

    We are not ashamed.

    And we are not going anywhere.

    Happy Pride, my sacred rebels.

    Keep the fire lit.


    Links Poem history jordan


  • A Queer Thing I Was Afraid to Love Out Loud; Nail polish

    A Queer Thing I Was Afraid to Love Out Loud; Nail polish


    No Not False Nails

    I don’t do acrylics. Don’t do anything long or flashy. Just my own short nails, black on all of them. Sometimes, if I feel like it, the ring fingers get a pop of color. Just those two. Nothing loud. But it says enough.

    I used to be scared to do even that. Painting my nails felt like asking for attention I didn’t want, the wrong kind. The “what are you trying to prove?” kind. The “that’s not what boys do” kind.

    So I didn’t. I left my hands bare and acted like it didn’t matter. Like it wasn’t something I thought about every time I saw someone else pull it off without flinching.

    I wanted it, so Now I do it.

    But I wanted it. Always did.

    And now I do it. Black polish on short, solid nails. Clean. Controlled. A little color, sometimes, just on the ring fingers because I can.

    What did it cost to hide it?

    Too many years of pretending I didn’t care.

    What changed when I let it live?

    Nothing dramatic. Just me, more me. More honest.

    And that’s enough.


    links goodreads Free Zine For Mental Health


  • Can I Use Two Different Candles on My Altar? A Witchcfaft Journal

    Can I Use Two Different Candles on My Altar? A Witchcfaft Journal

    Short answer?

    Yes. Of course we love a thrifty witch 🧙‍♀️.

    Long answer?

    Well. Let me walk you through the chaos that is my altar.

    Listen, not all of us have room for a perfectly gridded, four-element altar setup. We may lack custom-carved deity statues and matching polished crystal spheres. Some of us are working with a coffee table, a windowsill, or the corner of a bookshelf. It also holds our overdue library books, pocket knives, and a worry stone we named Frank.

    So when someone asked me,

    “Can I use a different candle 🕯️ for the center and the right side of my altar?”

    I laughed. Not at the question. I laughed at the memory of a time I used a single tea light. It represented all four elements and my ancestors. I even used it to represent the moon. I ran out of space and forgot to charge my crystals. 💎

    It is Yours! You can do a lot of what you Wish!

    Yes, you can use different candles.

    You can also use the same candle twice.

    You can use two different candles for the same thing, if that feels right.

    You are the architect of your altar.

    You can bend space and symbolism like it’s a game of magical Tetris.

    🪬 Doubling Up: The Art of Doing the Most with the Least

    I have one bowl that’s been:

    A water💦vessel A salt holder A scrying dish A temporary ashtray 🚬 A place to put gauges I wanted to take out mid-ritual

    I’ve used:

    A cinnamon stick as both: incense and a wand. A string of rosemary as both protection charm and aesthetic filler. The same jar of eggshells for protection, circle casting, and once in a pinch, to prop up a leaning candle.

    Yes. I have absolutely used one candle as both my “spirit” candle 🕯️ in the center and my “fire/masculine/right-side” energy. But I’ve also placed two candles 🕯️ on the right before when I needed extra firepower. No one came to revoke my witch card.

    TLDR; The Answer

    🕯 So, Can You Use a Different Candle for the Center and the Right?

    Yes. And sometimes it even makes things easier.

    Different candles 🕯️ let you split intention:

    One to hold your core (center/spirit/you) One to charge forward (right/action/fire/sun energy)

    You can dress them differently, color-code them, carve sigils into each one.

    You can whisper your intentions separately.

    You can even let one be tall and elegant, and the other short and angry.

    Magic doesn’t care about symmetry. It cares about sincerity.

    🚨Final Thought From the Altar Corner

    Whether you’re using one candle or a dozen, your altar doesn’t need to be Instagram-ready. It needs to be real. A little wild. A little weird. A little you.

    So yes use two candles. Use one candle twice.

    Use a flashlight in a mason jar if you’re out of matches.

    Use what you have, love 🖤 what you build, and don’t let aesthetic pressure steal the magic from your practice.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go. I have to retrieve a rock that my cat knocked into a jar of moon water. Again.


    Links Wattpad Submit to Current Quarterly


  • The Layers of Me: Girlhood, Survival, and Becoming a Man

    The Layers of Me: Girlhood, Survival, and Becoming a Man


    “Never the Enemy”

    by Axton N. O. Mitchell

    Raised

    I was raised a girl. That’s how the world saw me. That’s what I was told to be. A little girl with crooked pigtails m, buck teeth, and scraped-up knees. She didn’t like being touched. She didn’t like being stared at. She never liked how the world made her feel.

    Taught

    She was taught to smile. Not because of happiness, it was just safer. She learned to laugh off the gross comments much before she could read chapter books. She learned how to keep a boy from following her home. How to hold keys and lighters in her balled up fist.I know that just existing in a body the world called “girl” comes with a constant background noise of threat.

    Assaulted

    I was assaulted, as a little girl, as a teen, and as a man. A few years after passing the awkward transition phases; I was  years on hormones. A woman I was dating at the time liked to get me drunk enough to forget. Not that I want to but, it’s worth mentioning I never  remembered one single time. She told me it was easier that way. Then the used up it’s me not you. 

    Myth

    There’s this myth that once you transition, it all goes away. As if you can flip a switch, cut your hair, change your name, and suddenly be safe. As if I am suddenly respected. Erasing my trauma from living as a girl as if it doesn’t  stick to me. My second skin. Even after the world starts seeing you differently, it doesn’t mean it treats you right. If you  don’t “pass” all the time. Especially when you live in small-town maga country .

    Now, I get called “sir” until certain people get told, because no they can’t tell. The people that claim they “are my friends” say “she” behind my back as soon as they get mad at me. However, the flip side is worse for me. Now these people assume I’m one of them. Racist comments. Sexist jokes. Homophobia. Trans baby conspiracies.Assuming I’m a good ol’ boy. I was never meant to become the enemy. When I out myself they stop treating like the man I am. The privilege stops when I defend someone. I won’t close my mouth to save my neck. 

    Remember

    Remember not all men started the same. Some of us became men on purpose. With intention. With pain. With joy, too. But it wasn’t simple. And it wasn’t fast.

    In my late teens and early twenty’s, I thought I was a lesbian. I wasn’t pretending. I wasn’t confused. That label made sense for a while. I liked girls. I never felt like one, I tried to. I didn’t have the words to explain, but I was a man.  Not a phase, I just hadn’t fully found the truth. I have lesbian memories. I have lesbian trauma. I have lesbian experiences. That doesn’t go away just because I’m a man. Identity isn’t always a clean line. I’m a transgender man, and I lived as a lesbian. I survived as a girl. I became someone else and stayed alive.

    Yearn

     I yearn to be read. I want my work to move people who’ve never been seen. People that never had a place at the table. I’m not wasting time trying to win over systems that ignore us. I’m going to carve us something new. Each project I curate is rooted in the belief that all minority stories deserve to be told in our own voices.

     I want people to remember and know that minorities don’t just die. We live. We laugh. We have favorite songs. We have poetry in our blood and grief in our bones.

    I write because I won’t be erased. I write because I’m still here. I want to make sure no one else feels like they have to disappear just to be seen.


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    Links Poetizer discord
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