Some Lead, Others Fall in Line
A follower might have waited. Waited for safety, for acceptance, for someone else to go first. But thirteen years ago, I didn’t wait to socially transition. This decision allowed me to medically transition three years later.
I have never been one to fall in line. I have always felt the itch of resistance when told to fit it, shrink, or to wait my turn. A follower would have stayed quiet, but that has never been my nature. I carved a path where there was not one, trading comfort for authenticity, silence for visibility. I have always moved to the rhythm of my own convictions. Enjoying venturing off the beaten path often alone. However, I was never lost.
Fearlessness is Fake News
Being a leader does not mean being fearless; it means moving forward even when fear sits in your throat. I said a decade ago I started my medical transition. Back then, the world wasn’t quite yet filled with hashtags and visibility campaigns. There were not many tv characters or social movements to point to. We are talking about the era pre the politicizing of transgender identities. It was just me and my stubborn heart. I knew deeply that I could no longer live my life pretending. I was not a woman. I had no maps or guidebooks. I just had a gut feeling, and a fire that said go! Eventually, I met my people, who would point me to different resources along some of the way, and I the same for them.
Popular Belief
I want to clarify something. Neither I nor anyone I know has ever transitioned because it was popular. Nor because it was accepted. It isn’t popular now, and it was not then either. I transitioned because living life as a woman felt like slow suffocation. Even if the world did not have space for me, I will continue to carve out my own. The world still does not have space for me. I will continue to carve out my own space.
Leadership to me doesn’t always mean crowds and commands. Sometimes it looks like the quiet rebellion or choosing truth over comfort. Sometimes it’s being the first to stand up to say, “This is who I am!” and daring others to see you finally. I walked ahead not because I want or wanted followers, but because I could no longer stand still. Silence was never and will never create safety for people like me. I have often been doubted, but I always move forward. Each time I move forward, I make space for others to follow. It is not because I asked them to. It is because opening the path showed them they were always allowed to.
So, am I a leader or a follower?
I am a leader. I refuse to be anything less than myself. This holds true even when the world still has not caught up yet.
A poem to a little girl a poem about surgery
a poem thanking the goddess for trans men
a poem about violence against trans men
links
